


Catharsis

by Saberin



Category: Love Live! School Idol Project
Genre: F/F, kuzu no honkai au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-31
Updated: 2017-05-31
Packaged: 2018-11-07 09:48:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11056434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saberin/pseuds/Saberin
Summary: In which they seek comfort in one another





	Catharsis

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you cheddar for beta reading this for me

_Love is pointless if it isn’t fulfilled._

That was the reason why they are in this state of undress, ribbons casted aside and shirts unbuttoned on the floor of the student council room.

She breathes almost too heavily, eyes focused on their blue counterpart; Eli’s eyes burn with a fire she recognizes and she desperately replaces it with red.

Red like Maki’s hair. Red like Nico’s eyes.

Eli leaves lingering kisses on her cheeks, down her neck and sucks hard at her collarbone before pausing.

“Strawberry lip tint?” Eli questions. She hears the ghostly whispers of the unasked question. _Nico’s?_

“Yeah. You don’t like it Elichi?”

“That’s not it Nozomi…”

And then she pulls Eli down before returning the favour with vigour, each kiss filling the void she feels within, every touch making her feel _alive_. Nozomi closes her eyes and rakes her teeth across Eli’s soft lips, the acrid taste of copper fills her mouth and she hears Eli’s soft yelp.

 _Nico._ She thinks, haphazard thoughts swirling in a cloud as Eli pins her back down on the floor, hands reaching out once more. The palm on her cheeks is warm, almost trembling as Eli wipes her tears away with her thumb.

“I want to try to love you,” Nozomi whispers. The effect is almost immediate, Eli stops and she sees hurt behind the blue, the words dying as Eli struggles with the next sentence.

“I-It’s alright,” The student council president says. She notes Eli’s slight stutter and feels her heart flutter; she doesn’t exactly know _why_ and attributes it to Eli just being cute. Eli, her best friend. Her _other_ best friend.

“You don’t have to-” Eli begins. She is shaking, the fire dies, stuffed out by the blue. “I mean, I know.” 

_You don’t love me._

“We’re dating Elichi,” Nozomi answers, “Isn’t it normal to try to love you?”

The room is silent, save for the fan swirling on the ceiling. Nozomi tastes the bitterness of the blood instead of the sweet strawberry, rivalling the unpleasant feeling that resides within. Eli returns a look that is almost despondent, mixed with too many emotions she couldn’t tell. Her arm reaches for their discarded shirts and drapes one over Nozomi.

“Let’s take this slowly.”

Her eyes follow Eli’s fingers; they make quick work of buttoning her shirt up for her and they’re still shaking. The slender digits secure the green ribbon around her neck finally and Nozomi finds herself compelled to look up.

“Let’s go home, Nozomi.”

She sees a face void of the previous emotions and she sees her best friend Eli; loving, strong and confident.

Warm, like Nico.

“Okay.”

And at night she returns to a house that is yet again empty, to a bed that’s too large for one.

* * *

 

_She first saw her on a shining stage, a girl with the wildest ambitions, dancing in the spotlight. Easily the smallest girl within the group, but the one with the most energy and the brightest smile she has ever seen._

_Nozomi thought it was brave, to stand on a stage with an audience of barely thirty._

_She saw her again much much later, when spring came and passed, on a day with heavy downpour. She saw the girl with strongest determination, handing out flyers to a disbanded club in the rain. The smile retained on the face, with red eyes that never stopped shining._

_She thought it was brave, to be constantly rejected in the merciless weather and not losing that gleam of hope._

_._

_._

_._

She sees Nico, a wonderful girl who is terribly disregarded. A bit like her, Nozomi thinks, neglected and ignored. Overlooked. Forgotten.

“Maki-chan~” Nico’s voice squeals over Umi’s mini lecture with the Printemps and Nozomi forces herself to focus on remembering the dance steps.

Two steps to the right, a twist while keeping the left ankle anchored. Two steps to the left. The rooftop is a familiar place; this is a familiar routine.

“Say, want to grab some dessert after school? I mean, Bibi bonding!”

Three hops to the right and three to the left.

She looks over unconsciously, regretting immediately afterwards, because right in front of her exists a type of intimacy that she could never hope for. Not with Nico anyway. Not those arms hooked together, with one side trying terribly hard to unlink, in their daily pointless banter. It’s different; not unlike theirs, but it’s different because it’s _Maki._

“I’m not particularly craving any desserts-”

“Aw, come on Maki-chan! Why are you being such a wet blanket!” Nico grabs onto her fellow third year, _her_ dearest Eli, “Hang out with me and Eli!”

“W-Well, I guess I don’t particularly mind,” Eli replies softly, managing a nervous glance at the Lily Whites. Their gaze find each other across the orange bricks, for a split second Nozomi basks in the slight concern. And then the connection shatters, Nozomi focuses on another gaze upon her, finding herself looking into the eyes of a girl she wishes to avoid.

“Alright alright,” She hears a sigh from Maki, like a dramatic ending to a cut scene between the three of them, “I’ll go.”

And with that the bubble dissolves, she hears Umi’s calls for them to regroup; she shakes the uneasiness away, the terrible feeling that eats her up on days that rain.

* * *

 

She has mixed feelings about rainy days. The rain splatters Nozomi’s shoes wet as she stands by the school entrance and yet she can’t seem to walk away, transfixed by the grey courtyard, empty and void.

A bit like her she thinks.

The last of the school bell rings, like a rushed finale, shaking her from her thoughts. She briefly contemplates running home in the downpour, before stepping back inside.

There is no point after all, isn’t it?

Not when she’s returning home to an empty house.

She knows the sun is setting, despite not seeing the orange glows. The school is oddly empty, perhaps because it is a Friday, and Eli is not here. Eli isn’t, not today.

 “Say Nozomi?”

She has mixed feelings about rainy days, it leaves her empty inside and other times oddly warm. Warm, because _Nico_ is.

Nico walks over with her pink umbrella, soft steps over the wooden floor. A dramatic entrance, like she has been waiting her whole life. She swings the umbrella overhead, holds one arm out, and drops a line like a knight in waiting. “Let’s walk home together?”

“Nicocchi?” She gasps. It isn’t somebody she expected to see.

“I’ve been waiting for hours. Would be nice if you take hold of my aching arm you know?” There’s the smile ever present, annoying in an endearing sort of way.

_Why?_

“Hello? You said during break you didn’t bring your umbrella?” Nico scoffs, “Would you hurry up already-”

“4 hours of student council duties, so you were-”

“4 hours of my precious time wasted listening to Maki honestly.”

The rain pours outside, relentless. She takes Nico’s arms as rain rings in her ears, tiny patters on the umbrella, splashes on the floor. Grey clouds over head, and greyed out emotions within as she listens to Nico talk about her daily exploits.

A story or two about Eli, and a few others with Maki. The route home is familiar; this is a familiar routine.

Arms clinging on, awkward steps on each other’s feet, water splashes on their shoes and wet shoulders.

And regardless of how cold it is, she is warm.

* * *

 

She catches them in a room after school, the sixth bell like a prelude to the setting sun. Student council duties brought Nozomi there, and her curiosity stops her from leaving. She hears Nico, loud and obnoxious.

“Would it hurt you to kiss me?”

She hides herself behind the concrete walls, hands in her mouth, waves of emotions within.

“Maybe?” Maki replies softly.

“God.”

 _Her_ Nico.

“You’re so annoying.” She hears desks scrapping the wooden floor, like soft steps that day. “Shut up and kiss me.”

Not hers anymore.

* * *

 

The rain pours outside, relentless. She hears the hangers rattle out on the balcony, the howls of the wind. The room is dark, save for the small desk lamp by the table side. It casts a pale sort of hue over Eli, illuminates her light blush and makes everything terribly difficult.

 _Not like this._ Not when she sees Eli for who she is.

She softly whimpers.

“Nozomi?” And Eli stops, with hands on either side of Nozomi’s head, hair cascading down and tickling her bare neck.

“It’s nothing.”

She pulls down Eli’s unbuttoned white shirt with fervent vigour; she hungers for it, any noise to drown out the sound outside. The patters of the rain, wet splashes mixed together like static. She kisses her mindlessly, every spot that she could lay her hands on, anything that could quell the emptiness inside.

“Nozomi.” It is a hoarse voice, “It’s okay.”

 _Not like this._ She stops and cups Eli’s cheeks this time, and looks into eyes like broken glass; She catches the tears shining, the light makes it terribly difficult.

“Elichi?” She whispers back. “Am I not good enough?”   _Overlooked. Forgotten. Unwanted._

Thunder roars outside and fills her thoughts with Nico; she feels her heart clench as guilt eats her up inside.

“You are.”

“Then why are you crying?”

“Because you are.”

 


End file.
